Well, let's begin with the last question. What is love? It is quite possible the most over- and misused term in the world, love is something that we use to describe our favorite food, a movie we really enjoyed, the color we just painted our bedroom, and George Clooney (whom I love). We even sign letters and email correspondence with this word, even if it is to someone that we have only met a few times.
But, we all love to talk about, think about and even dream about love. It is an essential part of being human, and no matter how many times we can "fall" in or out of love; we still feel a powerful drive toward it. Our desire to love and be loved is deeply embedded in our consciousness, and it will make us act in the oddest ways sometimes.
Perhaps what love actually is has been encoded in our collective psyche, and our loose usage of the term might reflect this. We use the "L word" to describe everything and everyone that we find pleasing, or positive in some way. We "love" everything that we perceive as "good" (and therefore we can actually love all by perceiving it as "good"- but we're working on that one, right?). This positive perception that we make about someone or something is energy, or intent, and love is this energy.
Think about it. You love chocolate, but your best friend hates it (probably not a viable example, as I can't imagine anyone would actually hate chocolate, but follow me here). Is it different chocolate that you are both consuming? No, it is only your perception of the chocolate that differs. You are emanating positive energy toward the chocolate that you are enjoying, as you choose (mostly subconsciously) to perceive it as pleasant. That vibration, or energy that you give off with each pleasurable bite creates an emotional reaction that becomes what we recognize as the feeling of "being in love".
This love energy works the exact same way with people. For example, two people standing next to each other can have completely different energy toward, and therefore subsequent emotional response, to a potential romantic partner who walks by. One will "love them" with a positive perception, while the other might either find them neutral or even negative and regard that person with disdain. The point here is that the person exuding the energy has a choice (acted upon subconsciously, mind you) as to whether that vibration is positive or negative. And, as equally as we can give love energy, we can also receive it. And also, the person walking by these two different energy sources will usually feel the difference in the way that they have been perceived; this is what we call feeling a "vibe" from someone.
The fact that love is actually just energy is the key to understanding how it can survive death, and then subsequently be brought back with us as we reincarnate. This is because, according to physics and the law of conservation of energy, it (meaning energy, or love energy) cannot be created nor destroyed; it can only change forms. Thanks to Galileo (whom I also love), we have an example of how this works. His experiment with a swinging pendulum demonstrated that kinetic energy (movement) when it was interrupted still contained the same amount of energy, only in potential form. If this theory is true then, and love energy cannot be created or destroyed, then it can only change forms. So, when we die (and change forms as well, as we are in essence made of energy too) we take all of our love with us and then bring it back again when we reincarnate in our next life.
Now, the science behind love and attraction is an incredibly complicated (sorry for the obvious major understatement here) process, as our subconscious minds do play an enormous role in it. Our subconscious is a vast space filled with suppressed thoughts, unexpressed emotions, intense fears, deeply embedded attitudes, as well as our memories from this, and other lifetimes. Because it is such a large and complex place, the fact that our choice of love partners is mainly ruled by our subconscious mind is exactly why the how and why of this process is so darn confusing.
The most important thing to be aware of here is that energetically (subconsciously) we are all seeking a soul mate. And remember, there are different types of soul mates, so this can be more than a little bit tricky to navigate. Because a soul mate is anyone that you have known before in a past life, there are a lot of different ways that this can work, both positively and negatively. (For more on this, please refer to the previous post "The Reality of Soul Mates").
You can have a crazy, animalistic attraction that defies all reason to someone that you have some heavy karma to work out with, as well as to the soul mate that is the biggest love of this millennium. This is important to remember as we try to understand how it is possible to be separated or divorced from your soul mate, as well as the role that destiny plays in this process. You meet the soul mate that you are meant to meet, when, where and how you are destined to meet, for a divine purpose that involves our spiritual growth and development.
So then, how does this never destroyed love energy translate into our incredibly complex romantic love lives in our current incarnation? The energy of romantic love is actually in essence the same as our feelings of love toward others that we love such as parents, children, siblings, friends, etc. (and on a very simple level, maybe it's even energetically the same as our feelings of love for our favorite sandwich), only on steroids.
Our romantic partnerships can and do become quite intense. We all subconsciously seek a partner, the "yin to our yang", the one who will "complete us", even though being in this type of one-on-one relationship is actually one of the most difficult things we can do in life. It's incredibly tough to live with someone else, to share the bills and the bathroom, and to allow another human being to see all of you, complete with your flaws and weaknesses. And, I am sorry to inform you that there is no such thing as a soul mate that will come along and "complete us". This is unfortunately, a total myth.
Being a "whole", or complete person yourself and fully balanced both mentally and spiritually, who is committed to another "whole" person is the goal here. So, the work that needs to be done here is the work that we do on ourselves, becoming whole and balanced as individuals. And then in addition to that, we need to learn to be open, communicative, receptive, present, passionate and compassionate to our partner as well. We all know that this is something that even the most enlightened among us struggle with, as love is really, really hard work, even for soul mates.
When you have spent many lifetimes loving another person, you will have a powerful connection that most people will recognize when they encounter it. And, because your love never dies, it is possible to pick up where you have left off in a previous life. Although you will have some catching up to do concerning your comings and going the last few hundred years, your soul mate relationship has a story to it, and you have a history together. So, maybe what we call "love at first sight" is really just a love reunion.
This type of a soul mate with whom you have loved and lost over many centuries will feature an eerie sense of familiarity, like you have known each other before, and sometimes even an uncanny innate understanding of each other. And, this connection will become more and more intense with each lifetime that a couple spends together. The grief, loss, sorrow, and therefore longing for one another after having been separated by death again and again creates a powerful energy link between two people. In fact, this link can be so profound that it is possible to have a psychic, or even telepathic connection to this person that can be very real indeed, even if you have never met. I often hear of soul mates that dreamed of one another years before their initial meeting, or felt a deja vu sensation when they first saw each other. Soul mates can even sometimes read one another's thoughts or finish each others' sentences. A soul mate connection on this level may very well freak you or your partner out.
Usually there are more than a few synchronicities, or strange parallels in the lives of two soul mates as well. They will have things in common that go far beyond their favorite color or food, such as maybe they will have both lost their father at the same early age, gotten married or divorced in the same year, their families have vacationed in the same place every summer for years, or had the same life threatening illness simultaneously several years before they met. I worked with a New York City based couple once who had both worked in the same restaurant in Cleveland, although a few years apart. I know someone else who had worked down the hall from where his future wife's office was, probably passing each other in the hall or the elevator almost daily, ten years before they actually met. There is a reason for the existence of all of the various romantic legends involving soul mates, because sometimes the truth really can be stranger than fiction.
I have a good friend who, when she was in her late teens, saw a man performing a musical number on television. Upon seeing him, she told everyone who was with her that he was the man that she would marry. Years later when she met her husband at a party given by mutual friends, she felt a connection with this man like she had never felt, as if they knew each other already. Only after they had been dating for several months did she realize that it was he who she had seen on TV so many years before, and they have now been married for many years and have two children together. Nearly everyone who knows them or has been around them can feel the powerful, yet peaceful connection that this dynamic couple has with each other. This is an actual romantic, real life soul mate story about two people who were destined to meet and be together, and have been together many times before in other lifetimes. Their love for each other had never died, and was waiting to be rediscovered and then built upon in this life.
Now, not all of us are as psychic and in tune as my friend, or are lucky enough to have seen their soul mate on TV (although I do love George Clooney, food for thought perhaps...). So, how will we recognize them when we do meet them? In addition to the way that a soul mate connection feels, as well as the sense of familiarity, there are several ways that we can recognize a soul mate. When you look deeply into someone's eyes, which are truly the "windows of the soul", you can find the part of a person that goes beyond their current physical appearance. Another way that you can recognize someone's soul, or the part of him or her that is immortal and knew you before comes from hearing the sound of their voice. There will be a spark, or a reminiscent quality in the voice of a soul mate that will arouse an ancient memory buried deep in your subconscious.
Another way to recognize a soul mate is through their touch. A soul mate's skin on yours can feel tingly, or if you are receptive enough to the energy exchange between you, it will be downright electric. This is due to the magnetic pull toward each other that we have, which is created by this love energy connection that we have built up over many lifetimes. I have heard people describe the sensation of someone brushing past them that felt like a jolt, a handshake that took their breath away, or a kiss that felt like an explosion. This is soul mate stuff.
One of the worst things that we can endure romantically is when only one of the soul mates recognizes and feels this connection. Unfortunately, not only is this possible, but it is actually more common than we all might wish. Sometimes this occurs because one of the soul mates is distracted, angry, or otherwise has a veil over their heart and mind that does not allow them to be open to the often still, small and subtle soul mate clues.
Also, it is important to remember that there is such a thing as right person, wrong time. Destiny can often seen so cruel, as it feel so amazing to find someone with whom you have a connection like this, and then to have it ripped away from you can be utterly devastating. Sadly, there is nothing you can do in this situation except move on, sending your soul mate your love and wish them well on their journey. Your connection will always remain, as will your love, and perhaps you will meet again at a later time (in this, or a future life) and maybe then they will be ready for you.
What we are working on here with all of this love life drama is to learn to be better at love. In fact, on a basic level, the whole reason we are even here and have gone through all of the trouble to be reincarnated is to learn how to love. And, just as important as the act of giving out our love energy, we also need to equally know how to receive it. And so, it is important to remember when we are grieving the loss of a soul mate, either from having been separated once more by the inevitability of death, or from a lack of readiness or recognition, that your love for each other can never die. But, the lesson needs to continue and we need to keep loving, and being open to love even though we have been hurt before.
Since we have had many lifetimes, and therefore have many loving soul mates, there are always the loves that lie ahead, just down the path. These lost loves have been searching for you, have dreamed of you, and have waited centuries for destiny to allow your paths to cross once more. We need to work on ourselves in order to be ready for them, and have hearts that are open enough to recognize them, or it will be they who grieve and then have to move on. But, when two ready soul mates are reunited, the love energy of this union is unparalleled. Because they didn't fall in love, they simply remembered that they loved each other already.
